This past week I’ve been binge watching the Canadian TV Show “My Teenage Wedding.” The show was brought to my attention by my partner, who discovered it through the subreddit r/cringe. The episode, titled “Suck it Up, Buttercup”, center’s around the wedding of Sam and Rebecca, a lesbian couple from North Bay. The couple and their friends are your stereotypical 2000’s teens, demonstrated through a classic neon green “Rawr!” sweater from Bluenotes, a bride in a top hat, and the Gangnam Style dance. The episode showcases the drama in the friend group (they worry about skipping school to attend the wedding), and the cost issues associated with planning a wedding when younger. At first glance, the couple’s immaturity and lack of adult knowledge IS cringey. However, the show and the couples featured on it are worth so much more than a cheap laugh, if you read between the lines.
Sam is desperate to prove she is an adult, telling her grandmother to “suck it up buttercup” as she packs boxes of stuffed animals for a move to an imagined apartment she doesn’t have the money to rent. She insists that once she’s married, she'll move out, get a job, and be successful, like spending $1000 on a venue and Dollarama trinkets is an investment into guaranteed financial and emotional stability. Sam’s fixation on the idea of marriage meaning adulthood is a running theme throughout the episode, and causes the most tension between her and her adoptive grandparents. Her partner Rebecca goes along with her plans because she literally has no one else - Rebecca’s father refused to get involved with his daughter’s relationship or wedding for religious reasons, kicking her out for “bringing sin” into the home. Sam’s grandparents gave her a place to stay when her own family abandoned her, so why wouldn’t she want to be married into an accepting family with a loving partner?
Family issues aside, poverty is another huge issue in this episode. A YouTube commenter suggests that “she [Sam] should get braces instead of spending money on a wedding,” and most people would agree - why not address a permanent issue instead of spending money on a temporary luxury? But that’s not a question these girls are asking themselves, despite the couple often discussing how small their budget is. To afford some wedding “luxuries” like food and an officiant, the girls hold a Doe & Doe, hoping to raise $300 by selling homemade cakes. Their friends hold up wrinkled $5 and $10 bills, half-heatedly smiling and wishing they could have brought more. They raise $124, which will cover half the cost of the wedding hall. They save money with handmade decorations, a smaller venue, and at-home hair cuts. It is inferred by both Sam and Rebecca that they are currently living in poverty, and this has a huge impact on the planning of their wedding and the way they are perceived by the viewer.
Children and young adults growing up in poverty are less likely to improve their economic status as they get older, as often times they are less likely to achieve their high school diploma or afford post-secondary education. Sam and Rebecca are criticized for still being in high school at 18/19, but with no income or financial support, pursuing more education seems improbable and the girls never mention college or university - Sam only says she plans on being a “culinary master.” These two have little to no job experience, and finding a job in rural Ontario is extremely difficult. North Bay (from a 2016 census report) has a youth unemployment rate of 16.5%, with over 10,000 people living below the poverty line. Statistically speaking, it will be very difficult for either of the girls to get a job without a high school diploma or prior job experience.
So let’s add this up: we’re looking at an unemployed, lesbian couple living in poverty in North Bay Ontario, one of which has been ostracized from her family for her sexuality. They are struggling to complete their high school education while also planning a very low-budget wedding which they cannot afford. Most commenters ask “Why are they getting married? It’s too much money, they’re too young and immature! They know NOTHING!”
And well, yeah, the Youtube Community is overwhelmingly right, on all the technical sides anyways. This couple should not be getting married for rational, financial reasons, but to Rebecca and Sam, getting married makes sense. Sam craves adulthood and Rebecca wants to be accepted by a family who loves her; why wouldn’t two marginalized individuals want to feel special, feel accepted, for a one day? Even if them getting married is one of the most irresponsible things they could be doing, this wedding is a step towards the fantasy both of them have together. Through marriage, Sam will miraculously grow up and Rebecca will have a mother and father again, as well as a partner. It doesn’t make sense to the average viewer because the average viewer would never be in a situation like this, but "My Teenage Wedding" shows that couples are getting married for reasons like Sam and Rebecca’s all the time.
I’ve watched almost all the episodes of the show at this point, and the themes of poverty, family dysfunction, and the idealization of a wedding fantasy come into play again and again. The intensity of the show hit its peak during the episode “Runaway Bride,” which Smiths Falls teen couple Mark and Kendra are planning a wedding despite huge push-back from Kendra’s family. Kendra ran away from home at the age of 16, living with Mark (17 at the time) after only dating him for 3 weeks. Kendra’s family hates Mark, her father Jim often accusing him of “stealing his little girl.”
Kendra spends much of the episode fighting with her mom, tearfully explaining that she just wants her mom to come to her wedding. Her mother was never seen throughout the episode, and it can only be inferred that their turbulent relationship was the cause of Kendra running away in the first place. The wedding seems like Kendra’s way of trying to bring her family back into her life, like through the acceptance of her marriage to Mark, her family will also accept her back. In my mind, the entire marriage seems like a cry to her mother, as if she hopes her mother’s attendance will magically restore their mother-daughter relationship and be a cure for all the other issues in their family.
The episode ends with the reveal that only her sister attended her wedding, Jim being unable to attend because he was hospitalized the night before. It was a devastating realization; the wedding fantasy didn’t happen, and it was never really there. Getting married wouldn’t repair the rift her and her mother have, and in the end, it only worsened it. She has found a new family in Mark, but at the expense of her biological family. The show doesn’t go into depth about the family dynamics, and the audience can only assume what her home life could have been like. Was it so bad that marriage seemed like the only real escape, or was the wedding a final cry for the attention and validation she had been begging her mother for the entire episode? It’s pretty hard to figure this out in the show's 20 minute run-time, but I guarantee you’ll have Jim’s pink and tearful eyes burned into your brain for weeks.
The show hints at deeper social issues, but the low-budget and Canadian attempt to be “My Super Sweet 16” overshadows the real problems within the show. While a problem, the main issue isn’t the young ages or the marriage itself; the issues revolve around small-town poverty, dysfunctional families, and the adulthood-fantasy a wedding provides for struggling young people. It’s not insane to me that viewers mock the couples on the show, but watching more than one episode would reveal so much more beneath the initial ridiculousness of the program. Yes, these couples are immature and rushing into marriage unprepared, but they are doing it for reasons beyond the show’s initial premise. They want to feel grown-up, accepted, loved - the wedding acts as a temporary band aid for a problem that will constantly persist, but for one single day, they live out the wedding fantasy. For one day, it is possible to forget about all the issues in their lives and just be happy.
I went into this show thinking it was another silly reality TV show about immature kids, but what I took away from it is that it’s so unfair to look at the people on these shows and judge them for what they lack. Maybe it’s silly to put so much stock into a low-budget Canadian TV show, but there’s a quiet depth to it that pulls me in; I want these couples to be happy. The wedding is a temporary solution, but I hope each person finds a permanent way to make their fantasy last a little longer.
Sam and Rebecca: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxoWNXmh0qQ
Kendra and Mark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RteNoT5JJ7k
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